Wow. I can’t help but just come back to this thought over and over again. I’m in shock, I’m depressed and I’m sad. The passing of Darrin Patrick hit me like a ton of bricks this afternoon when a friend shared the news with me. I didn’t know Darrin, but it felt like I did. I had the joy of meeting him once, just a few weeks ago after he shared with our church staff. Though I hardly knew him, he has had a profound impact on my ministry life.

I first learned of Darrin after I found his book, Church Planter. I was about to graduate High School. My family had helped plant a church a few years before, I had been called to ministry and had been mentored by several guys who had a heart for church planting. I also recall from that book that a Pastor I have a lot of respect for spoke negatively about one of the statements Darrin made in the book. The statement was taken out of context and the other pastor took it to mean something it did, but Darrin’s handling of the conflict with respect and grace (as he mentioned his own great respect for the pastor in question) was inspiring to me and I will always remember it as a model for handling conflict.

A few years later, after I had graduated college I came back home to serve as the Student Minister at that same church plant. I took my first group of students to a summer camp in Orange Beach where Darrin was Camp Pastor for the week we were there. Darrin spoke with all of the student leaders and was incredibly gracious and encouraging to all of us and I was incredibly thankful for that interaction early in my ministry life. I only remember that slightly more than the anxiety I had trying to wrangle a bunch of students at the beach.

I was disheartened to hear of Darrin’s shortcomings and subsequent removal at the Journey church he had planted in St. Louis as well as Vice President of the Acts 29 network. It was one of the first instances of a Pastor that I had a personal connection with falling from grace. I wish I could say that it was the last, but unfortunately, that’s simply not the case. However, Darrin’s example of humility and repentance that had led to his most recent tenure in ministry was equally inspiring and encouraging. It was a sort of flag that stated, “Even if you really screw up, repentance and restoration is possible.”

I found Darrin’s podcast with Greg Surratt, founding pastor of Seacoast Church, about 8 months ago. It was during a season when I was particularly dry spiritually, I was exhausted mentally and physically and it had begun to affect my relationships and marriage. Darrin & Greg’s open and honest conversations, first sharing their own stories and then allowing other pastors to share their stories of pain, heartache, triumph, and grace. These podcasts and conversations were life-giving for me this season and helped pull me back in the right direction.

When Darrin came to share with our staff, many of my coworkers knew that I was a big fan of his and his ministry and he had a lot to live up to. I think everyone there would say he did that and more. The stuff he shared with us was a culmination of what God had been pointing me to for the past several months. It was like he put it all in a neat little package with a bow on it. He helped put feet to a lot of thoughts and gave practical questions and steps to help assess and guide us in ministry.

My heart is heavy. I hurt for his wife and children. I hurt for his close friends and other family. I hurt for those that because of the way God used him began to believe some things that they never would have.

I hate writing this paragraph, but it appears that Darrin took his own life. Honestly, the hardest part for me to reconcile right now is how someone who he seemed to have such a finger on mental health and its effects on a pastor in particular could take his own life. I am reminded of Ephesians 6:12, “For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.” The enemy we face is indiscriminate. He cares not what you think you know or are doing right. He will use every trick and lie to do whatever he can to thwart the Kingdom of God. But I’m encouraged that he cannot win. He has already lost. The best he can do is make us sad for a time as we mourn a great leader, pastor, and friend no longer being in our presence. But that means that Darrin is face-to-face with King Jesus right now. As the apostle, Paul tells us in Colossians 2:5, “For though I am absent in body, yet I am with you in spirit, rejoicing to see your good order and the firmness of your faith in Christ.”

**This post was written in 2020 after Darrin’s tragic passing, but only now published**